A Nomad, As Always

(The Saga)

By Wil C. Fry, Sept. 11, 2000, 23:59

Copyright © 2000 by Wil C. Fry. All rights reserved.

An era comes to a close, in my meaningless little world
It lasted too long, everyone knows
This time, Iím not drifting
I made a decision
All on my own
Instead of letting the winds blow me where they will
Itís time to get my fill of another place
Stepping further from the confusion
Fighting off the elusive delusions
Somehow, I evaded the illusion
This time
I wonít be drifting, all on my own
Floating with the winding currents of life, fate, time
The niche I have carved here
For myself
On this shore
Is not satisfactory or stimulating
So Iíll move, a nomad as always
This time, picking my path, and enjoying the trip
All on my own
Leaving behind some more memories that will fade
The journal entries that seem so fresh will one day seem strange
And far away from where I will be then
I know Iíll read them with moistened eyes
As I remembered when, as I remember
This time, when I moved on
Made a decision
All on my own
Lord, help my ailing mind to capture these last moments
These last few days that remain
And tuck them away, somewhere safe
These places, these times weíve had
Theyíre a part of me now, theyíve made me who I am
Or will be
This time
As I step forward, all on my own
I hope I donít regret it, leaving all Iíve known
Maybe itís time to prove that Iím grown
Going along for the ride, thereís no one
By my side
This time, leaving it all behind
Squinting as I struggle to forecast the future
Will I be alone?
Iíll have these poems, these stories, these journals, these memories
The same questions as before
Iíve studied, but still donít know any more
Than I did before
Thinking about the last five years, Iím not sore
Things could have been worse, I suppose
(Only Heaven knows)
And every thorn has its rose, even this one
This time
I pick my poison, all on my own
These legs were made for walking
So open the gate
I still sense that Death is stalking
But Iíll face my fate
This time
Looking before I leap, all on my own
And, all along, I knew Iíd have to go back home
But you can rest, your mind assured
That this questioner will always allow his mind to roam
When you count it all, Iíve left a lot behind
At one time or another
But itís all still here, in my mind
The soft rains and crashing waves and warm sun
Of the volcanic island, where I became someone
The busy streets, strange tongue, the shorter people there
On an island nation, where we had the only blond hair
The mountainous church, boyhood friends and soccer fields
The sprawling house, my fast and furry best friend, my grandfather
That first job, girlfriends and school friends
Cozy college, greasy jobs, tiny rooms, and so many fads
And, Oh, the times we had!
And Iíve walked on, outward
From bad habits, dead rabbits
The little harmless plastic bags, filled with powdered death
This time
Iím walking away from all the rest
All on my own
Blurry photographs in my hands
Remind me of where Iíve been
Maybe itís my eyes that are blurry, not the film
And maybe I shouldnít be so overwhelmed
This time, forging ahead
Counting the scales Iíve shed
All on my own
The lovemaking of marital bliss becomes
The fetus growing and listening becomes
The infant cradled in loving arms becomes
The toddler stumbling and laughing becomes
The child learning and playing becomes
The adolescent seeking independence becomes
The young adult looking for love and safe haven becomes
The grown man paying his bills and wishing it would all go away becomes
This man, sitting here, decision made
Just wanting a seat in the shade
All on my own
Well, weíve lost our faith in many things
Havenít we?
Love and Heaven and angels with wings
And there
On the corner, an old man plays and sings
His pitiful music rising up into the sky
And, just like me, his lyrics asking ďWhy?Ē
Some of us just learned the hard way
That life wasnít stable in any way
This time
Itís about time
To settle down and figure it out again
All on my own
We thank you for all the help youíve been giving
And for standing near, in this life weíre living
But if I stay here too long, the roots will go too deep
I never sowed a seed
Because I knew I wouldnít be here to reap
Itís a good thing I know the landmarks by now
This time
Walking a clearly blazed trail
All on my own
(If this is boring, just remember, I didnít write it for you
Iíve got to make it all the way through.)
I learned the hard way that selfishness will bring me down
And I learned that selfishness is why Iím still around
This time
Doing it for myself
All on my own
Never put down your kickstand
Donít shift into ďparkĒ
Donít put the trailer up on blocks
Never get too attached to this man
Donít sleep in the dark
And when I leave, donít be shocked
This time
You knew I was made for moving
All on my own

An era comes to a close
In my introspective little world
It lasted too long
As we all know
This time
Iím not drifting
I made the decision
All on my own

This is the closest I ever came to writing an autobiographical poem. Someday, I hope to make an annotated version that will add helpful biographical information to explain each part.

This is also my second-longest poem ever, at 930 words — the longest is The Beauty Of Life, at 942 words.

comments powered by Disqus