I have tred the well worn path of limitless mental toil,
I have stumbled under the heavy burden imposed by the cruel, tyrannical oppressors of my mind.
Although I have searched for many wearisome months,
There is no tangible, applicable answer that my soul can conceivably find.
There are so many people continually in my presence,
Who can’t seem to see my problem, except as a trifling abnormality,
I only wish they could see down deep in my troubled heart,
I wish they could see what is hidden inside; continually wounding and hurting me.
My Emotions have been torn, my heart has been broken,
It seems no matter where I go, or what I do,
I’m always hurting, and not another soul is aware,
There’s an eternal hollowness behind my eyes, that won’t go away
My throat is hoarse, and my brain confused;
There is a persisting disorder to my hair.
At the end of a long dark tunnel, I see a dim light, flickering,
Sometimes it fades entirely, sometimes it brightens intensely, filling me with hope.
In the darkness, I’m continually falling to the rocky ground, losing my way
I’m not sure what choice to make, which path to take; maybe I’ll never know
I keep expecting the horrid pressure to decrease, the hurting to cease,
But it never does, and I keep trudging,
continually hounded by my environment.
The cold specter of insanity encircles me on every side,
Offering release from the hurt and pain of this cruel world I’m living in.
Please God, if you are really there, save me from this mess,
Sometimes I feel you there, and sometimes
I just can’t perceive your presence,
Please give me a sign or speak to me in some way,
give me someone to understand
Just let me know you’re out there, or I might cease to be a man.
According to my journal, I wrote this in the car on the way to a Christian "skate night"
at an area roller skating rink. “I was really needing to be comforted, because I have
this continuing feeling that I’m inferior because I can’t find a girlfriend.”.