1. What you say first is true, unless I said it; then I can change my mind.
2. Finders are keepers, and losers are weepers, unless it's mine.
3. What you see first is right, even if it is a hallucination.
4. I'm insane, so believe everything I say.
5. Igorance is bliss. Insanity is bliss with a fist.
6. If you think you're insane, you're not. When you are truly insane, you'll know it.
7. I handle money well, but I spend it better.
8. A mirror isn't merely a reflector of light from the world; it shines light on us from another dimension. Note: When you're not looking, the people in the mirror do different things than you.
9. Homework was invented by Satan to tyrannically oppress the unseeing minds of youth, to brainwash them, and cause them to oppose truth.
10. If the universe is the creation of the mind, and the mind is the creation of the universe, then the mind did a better job, because the universe is perfect, and therefore the mind has perverted it, just by being here.
11. Long life is achieved through overeating.
12. Overeating is achieved by stuffing dead organic matter and useless chemical concoctions into the throat.