Favorite Atheism-Related Quotations

People smarter than me said this stuff

Copyright © 2015 by Wil C. Fry. All Rights Reserved.

Published 2015.02.10, Updated 2015.03.25

“Thank you, Jesus, for sacrificing yourself to yourself to appease your own desire to spill blood and for being your own loophole to a rule you yourself created that said all people must be tortured forever because two naked people were tricked by a talking snake into eating an apple and instead giving us the opportunity to spend an eternity singing about how great you are forever and ever.”

— Anonymous (Source)

“The Bible was written, and then rewritten, and then edited, and then re-edited, then translated from dead languages and then re-retranslated and re-edited again, then re-re-re-edited, and then re-translated, and then given to kings for them to take their favorite parts out, and then re-edited and re-translated and given to the pope for him to approve, and then re-edited and re-written — all based on stories that were told orally 30 to 90 years after they had happened to people who didn’t know how to write... I guess what I’m trying to say is, the Bible is literally the world’s oldest game of telephone.”

— David Cross (Source)

“Ridiculous beliefs deserve ridicule.”

— Michael A. Sherlock (Source)

“What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.”

— Christopher Hitchens (Source)

“Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because, if there be one, he must more approve the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear... [T]hose facts in the Bible which contradict the laws of nature, must be examined with more care... Examine, therefore, candidly, what evidence there is of [the writer] having been inspired... If it ends in a belief that there is no God, you will find its incitements to virtue in the comfort and pleasantness you feel in its exercise, and the love of others which it will procure you... Your own reason is the only oracle given you by heaven, and you are answerable, not for the rightness, but uprightness of the decision.”

— Thomas Jefferson (Source)

“The easy confidence with which I know another man’s religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.”

— Mark Twain (Source)

“One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have believed in it. They have also believed the world was flat.”

— Mark Twain (Source)

“Itís amazing how relaxing it is not to claim you know more than you do. Iím surprised that those who claim to speak in the name of god donít take more advantage of this relief.”

— Christopher Hitchens (Source)

“It is a contradiction in terms and ideas, to call anything a revelation that comes to us at second-hand, either verbally or in writing. Revelation is necessarily limited to the first communication — after this, it is only an account of something which that person says was a revelation made to him; and though he may find himself obliged to believe it, it cannot be incumbent on me to believe it in the same manner; for it was not a revelation made to me, and I have only his word for it that it was made to him.”

Thomas Paine (Age Of Reason)

“In the last five years alone, the unaffiliated have increased... Their ranks now include more than 13 million self-described atheists and agnostics (nearly 6% of the U.S. public), as well as nearly 33 million people who say they have no particular religious affiliation (14%).”

— Pew Research Center (Source)

“We are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.”

— Richard Dawkins

“To rest one’s case on faith means to concede that reason is on the side of one’s enemies — that one has no rational arguments to offer.”

— Ayn Rand (Source)

“I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”

— Stephen F. Roberts (Source)

“I am a humanist, which means, in part, that I have tried to behave decently without expectations of rewards or punishments after I am dead.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

“When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called a Religion.”

— Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

“Calling atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color.”

— Don Hirschberg (Source)

“If atheism is a religion, then abstinence is a sexual position.”

— Bill Maher (Source)

“If atheism is a religion, then health is a disease.”

— Unknown

“The more I learn about the universe, the less convinced I am that there's any sort of benevolent force that has anything to do with it, at all.”

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (Source)

“It will not do to investigate the subject of religion too closely, as it is apt to lead to Infidelity.”

— Abraham Lincoln (Source)

“Morality is doing what is right, regardless of what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, regardless of what is right.”

— Unknown

“I have concluded through careful empirical analysis and much thought that somebody is looking out for me, keeping track of what I think about things, forgiving me when I do less than I ought, giving me strength to shoot for more than I think I am capable of. I believe they know everything that I do and think, and they still love me. And Iíve concluded, after careful consideration, that this person keeping score is me.”

— Adam Savage (Source)

“If all theists were as skeptical of their own religion as they are of other people’s religions, there’d be no religions.”

— The Cult Of Eh (Source)

“We look with our beliefs, but rarely at our beliefs.”

— Michael A. Sherlock (Source)

“Does it make me a bigot if I think that all religions look alike?”

— Michael A. Sherlock (Source)

“I prayed to all the gods for peace on Earth and equality, and not one answered me, so I prayed for war, famine, poverty, hatred, and pestilence, and it seems as if all of them were very enthusiastic to grant those prayers.”

— Micahel A. Sherlock (Source)

“You’re allowed to believe in a god. You’re allowed to believe unicorns live in your shoes for all I care. But the day you start telling me how to wear my shoes so I don’t upset the unicorns, I have a problem with you. The day you start involving the unicorns in making decisions for this country, I have a big problem with you.”

— Matthew Shultz (Source)

“I’m a militant fundamentalist atheist. I’m going to get on a crowded train, unbutton my coat and say rational things. People will be hurt.”

— Ricky Gervais (Source)

Edit, 2015.02.14: added two quotations.

Edit, 2015.02.23: added three quotations.

Edit, 2015.03.11: added one quotation.

Edit, 2015.03.16: added two quotations.

Edit, 2015.03.25: added two quotations.

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