My transformation did not happen in a linear fashion. If plotted on a graph, the
path would be jagged, wavering and swooping.
It required multiple paradigm shifts
My beliefs could be described in seven stages/positions
Bible is literally, entirely true.
Same as #1, but God ignores me.
There must be a God, but Bible isnít true.
There is probably a god.
No evidence, no god.
There was overlap between the stages
First recorded doubt was 1990. My faith was the source. The Bible said certain
things should happen. They didn’t.
For years, I assumed during low times that some mysterious sin kept me from God, or
that God was testing me. By the same faulty thinking, I assumed my emotional highs were
God’s answers to my prayers.
I was afraid to fully explore my doubts and questions, because “whoever does
not believe stands condemned already”. I also feared the idea of a universe without God.
FIRST PARADIGM SHIFT: Careful inspection of the Bible
revealed it was not written by an omniscient, omnipotent being
Scrutiny of Christianity’s basic premise — that you must believe
without evidence or burn in Hell — revealed it was inherently
unfair. A just God would not intentionally withhold evidence from me and expect me to believe
Examined without assumptions, other religions were as plausible (and as
unprovable) as my own
SECOND PARADIGM SHIFT: While writing science fiction, I forced myself to
write honest dialog from the point-of-view of non-believers. This led to acknowledgement that a
godless universe was possible.
LAST PARADIGM SHIFT: I realized all the so-called
proofs for God’s existence relied on underlying assumptions.
When removing the assumptions — examining them rationally — none of the arguments
I labeled myself “agnostic” and began writing these pages. It was
when researching for this project that I learned more distinctions and changed to
“agnostic atheist”. (See definitions.)